Reason #752 why I should just keep my mouth shut

I've learned a harsh lesson in the last year, mostly because of our most recent presidential election. I never understood the notion that something silly like politics could divide family members, but now I know from personal experience how this is possible.

I've had a lot of wine this evening...

I just got back from an otherwise pleasant Christmas evening with my brother and his family. My brother has become a rather surly individual as he's gotten older. I'm sure this stems from having his own business, and his constant dealings with the Philadelphia gentry and their constant demands for lower prices when they need landscaping work done on their summer homes at the shore. I can see how he's become a hard man from all of those dealings. Tonight, I made the mistake of bringing up politics. It was a complete accident. My brother tends to think of such things on a more local level, where my focus tends more the more national and international side. What I learned this evening is that I should never, EVER launch into a discussion of politics. Not even with my own brother, who I normally categorize (only half in jest) as the family redneck.

I'm less frustrated at the fact that he and I are on somewhat different sides of the political debate (although less so than I had originally thought) than I am about the fact that I just don't know shit about articulating my own opinions. I read a lot of books, and a lot of websites, and I am very clearn internally about how I feel. Yet when it comes to defending my position, or even suggesting that someone else should really reconsider, I become this unintelligible and boneless mass of flesh. This really pisses me off. I suddenly feel yet another level of envy about people who are able to succinctly state their opinion, and back it up with quantifiable data. All that happened tonight was that I said some things not very well, realzed it, and then sat there closed-mouthed while my brother listed the reasons why he decides the way he does.

What I do, is just read all the quantifiable data, and then forget the ability to think when confronted with the opposite side of the debate. In this case, what little chance I had to make the attempt at opening my brother's eyes probably did little more than cement the notion in his head that I'm still only 12 years old. What an idiot. This time, I mean me.

I caught myself thinking of how Andy Armstrong would respond in a similar situation. Andy is one of the best debaters I've ever had the privilege to meet and listen to. I know he would have been able to listen to my brother, and addressed each and every point in a way that would have been clear and consise. 'I agree with you on points 1, 4, and 5, but on 2 and three you are wrong, and here's why...'.

I couldn't do that. It's hitting me pretty hard. I'm sitting here wondering what the point of all my reading is. Why do I even bother trying to educate myself about something like this when all that happens is that rather than me demostrating my intellectual capacity, I just make myself look like even more of an idiot. Then, I beat myself up for being stupid in the first place.

I fucking hate politics. If there's any sort of moral to be had here, it's that my idea of just burying my head in the sand is one I should have stuck to a long time ago. I think it's high time I did that now, and leave the discussion to people who are much smarter than I am. This country is going into the shitter really quickly, and we're trying to bring everyone else down with us. I've become so cynical about the end result. I really don't think the people that give a damn will every be in a position to do anything about it. Instead, people like Bush and his friends will always run the show and do whatever the hell they want. I think I should just focus on being one of the people that doesn't get in their way, rather than someone who actually expresses any discontent.

Merry 'effing Christmas.