Over the course of the last couple of weeks, I've come to a harsh realization. The only person I can depend on, is me. I know this isn't some grand revelation to most people. It isn't even to me, but for the first time I'm taking it personally.
A good friend of mine set me straight on a few things in a rather lengthy email reply to my even more lengthy email rant. In it, she broke down some fundamental differences between men and women. She reminded me that men 'don't spend a single second of the day thinking about our feelings.' It may be a gross generalization, but as my level of life experience grows, I'm beginning to think that there's more truth to this statement than I care to admit. This is where me becoming more cognizant enters the picture. I've been letting things sink in since my initial reading of the email. I've concluded that people really do adopt an 'out of sight, out of mind' attitude. Care and concern only extends so far. The best part of friendship, is the ability to walk away when one feels like the relationship has become too much of a burden. If things can't be shiny and happy, then it's time to cut and run. I waste a lot of time wishing that people would find some value in knowing me.
This isn't an easy pill to swallow. I've always thought that at least someone had my back. How naive was I!?
2007 hasn't started off very well. It's ok though, since my New Year's Resolution means I don't expect anything good to happen. It seems a bit early to start wishing this year were over already, but with the way things are shaping up so far, I get the feeling that it's going to be a rough couple of years for me. One thing I know won't be happening is some massive opening of the floodgates. 'Fine' is going to be my standard answer whenever I'm asked how I'm doing. No one really wants to hear any other answer anyway. The question isn't posed as an inquiry. It's become a longer way to say hi.
Here's the catch: none of this new-found wisdom is going to help get me through the ever-growing list of shit that I've got written down. No one else is going to help me get through it, either. It's all up to me; I'm on my own.
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5 comments:
I would suggest that men and women have a different approach, which gets misinterpreted in translation/observation.
-and help is out there, just not where you were looking, or where you expect it to come from.
-people do care and are willing to listen, you need to pick the times and the people carefully.
I'm sure 2007 will be a decent year with plenty of ups and some downs and hopefully I will see you at some point
crayons
hmm, there's a lot of truth in what you say about us lot (men) but its not really a revelation is it Chris ?
real friendships are worth sticking with and its upto you to decide who those are worth the effort
for the most part I hope thatyou believe that you can rely on me to "watch your back" when and as I can but the more personal stuff might perhaps need "non" friends to help work out ?
And always remeber that no matter how good someone elses shit looks from over there , its never as good as it looks from the outside
Hey Chris, Sorry to hear your life has taken such a turn. I've always been a bit uncertain as to whether feeling I have no one to count on but myself should be sad or liberating. A little of both I suppose. As Lloyd Dobler said If you start out depressed, everything's kind of a pleasant surprise. Anyhow, not really sure where I was going with that. I am pretty certain that people do find value in knowing you, even if it's only over the web on some forum. And with any luck this year will prove you wrong. Cheers.
Being a male, I disagree on the generalization. In the past two weeks I have been thinking about feelings a lot. One of my co-workers has basically insulted me (publically) once a week for the past two years. I have resisted telling her about my feelings because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
well I told her and she now has hurt feelings and thinks all I do is think about me (which is kind of how I believe she sees the world).
I would guess we are both wrong. People think about their own feelings A LOT and women probably think about others more than men do, but not always
I understand all of that. The resolutions, the emotions. Sometimes you have to live life by living and not by doing.
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