Human relationships are such frail things. One minute, you think things are fine. The next, everyone has their fur up in a bunch and things are suddenly blown out of proportion. No one can remember exactly how it went wrong. Accusations are made. Defenses are presented, and in the end a bunch of folks are standing around going 'what the fuck just happened?'.
I'm going through this right now. I'm trying very hard to figure out where I am at fault. I don't want to be one of those people who doesn't accept the responsibility for their role in things like this. In this particular case, I really have no idea what I did. I thought I was handling things just fine. Being helpful, even. And now, I'm basically not welcome on a forum that I've always held in high regard.
Human relationships on the internet are even more frail than in reality. If I were a sociology major, I could write one hell of a thesis on the interatcions that take place on internet forums. I know I'm not supposed to care, but when the forum involves people you know personally, then the situation takes on a very different look and feel. It's not simply a matter of arguing with some faceless tosspot anymore.
You know what?? I think it's time for me to go a bit incommunicado. Expressing my opinions has caused nothing but grief. I've done far too much talking. I need to get back to making myself happy, and stop relying on the way I'm treated by others for the source of my happiness. I used to be fairly good at this. Lately, so much of how I feel has been tied up in staying in touch with people in far off places, or in seeking recgonition as a resource to other people. I've got to just be me, and if people respond favorably to that, then great. I'm sure no one wants to be around me in my current state of mind. I don't even want to be around myself.
So, if I seem to drop off the face, please don't mistake that for not wanting to hear from people. I just need to get myself back to some state of normalcy before I alienate everyone I care about outside of my family.
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3 comments:
Hi Chris, For what it's worth you didn't do anything, except maybe become a bit of a target. Things change and sometimes you just can't go back. I was looking at my pile of mags and it wasn't just the forum that changed. As it stands, you weren't the only one to just say enough and walk away. Sometime it's good to remember that you have a choice about who you associate with. I hope you find the balance you're looking for. Stay well. :)
Hey! Don't forget us over here - we want to talk to you :)
Ha! I could teach you a thing or three about foot in mouth disease. Remember that tone and expression makes up 90% of meaning, and no matter how carefully you write you'll still be misrepresented.
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