On The Fence

Bit of a gap between posts, but that's primarily due to the fact that since I've been with the fam the last few weeks I've mostly just been taking it easy.

And speaking of being around the fam, herein lies the thing that has given me a reason to post. What usually happens when I spend any amount of time with my sister in New Hampshire, is that I start thinking about how easy it would be to live around here. I've always said that if I had to live in the East again, it would only be up here. The lifestyle compliments me, and it's not the usual het up rat race that is the norm in the Northeast. I guess there's an imaginary line that exists somewhere between New York City and here above which things have different significance in life. Hmm...Perhaps it's not an imaginary line at all, but rather the State line of Massachusetts and every State north of it.

Factor in my parents. They aren't getting any younger, and I do regularly wish I were nearer to them. I'm the only one in my entire family that lives as far West as I do. The next relative that has any great span between themselves and the rest of the family is my cousin who lives in Florida. Everyone else is concentrated between Ohio and New Jersey.

So I sit here and start second guessing whether or not I've made the right choice in going even Westerer than I current am. Every time I'm in California, particularly Santa Cruz, it seems like absolute bliss. I guess I've always harbored some dream about living in California. It's always had this mystique about it, and I've felt like I've missed out on something by not having lived there. I always wondered what it must have been like to grow up there. Maybe my hair would turn blonde by association.

Now I'm here and the perfection that I was looking forward to has been replaced by a malaise over the thought of leaving. I don't like being so far from everyone. I've thought for some time now that a move back East is an eventuality for me. It doesn't seem like any of my family is going west any time soon.

The position to do what I do in the Northeast is open. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't given serious consideration to calling my boss and telling her that I've had a drastic change of heart, and I want to stay here. If only Ohio weren't included in the mix! Terrible drivers in Ohio.

As tempting as it is, I think I would wind up making several people very cranky with me. They would all be friends, and I'm not very interested in losing them. I've made commitments regarding this move and the associated work effort that would not do me well to back out on. I think the best thing to do is to carry on as planned and re-evaluate things this time next year, when I will inevitably be back in New Hampshire for quite some time.

This is one of those times when I wish someone with perfect clarity and the ability to examine a situation from all angles and all possible outcomes would just say "You need to do this". That would be easy.