We don't need no stinking plate!

So possibly the worst salad eating experience ever just happened to me.

My mom made an awesome salad for dinner. Custom and everything. She knows how much I love olives, so an extra helping was given to me. Some green onions, some sliced cherry tomatoes, mixed greens, and topped with some balsamic vinegar and oil. So I took it to the back room because I was engrossed in a bad movie. I plonked on the futon and began to dig in. I either had a dull fork, or tough veggies. Here's what happened:

1) One olive launched itself over the edge when my fork slid across the plate trying to stab a piece of lettuce.
2) While attempting to stab at one of the tomatoes, the fork bucked, splashing dressing and 3 more olives off the plate, and onto the quilt covering the futon.
3) I decided to give up on stabbing, and thought scooping would be the answer. I had a forkload, all of which fell except for one olive.
4) A few more bites later, I attempted stabbing one more time. The stalk of a piece of spinach was wrapped under the leaf and sprang loose just before I got the fork to my mouth, causing vinegar and oil to fling into my right eye. That did not feel good.

Finally I finished, but with a somewhat less than satisfied feeling. I felt like I had been waring with my food.

Fortunately, I went and got some Banana Bread Beer to wash things down. Who needs salad!