Friday, May 20, 2005

Sick of being sick

I had a falling out with a friend a couple of weeks ago. Among the many reasons why this is unfortunate is the fact that I fell ill during my visit (a layover between events) and probably should have taken myself to a doctor then, but I had too much work that needed doing. So, I didn't do anything despite going to bed with a fever, chills, and an aching body at 6 o'clock in the evening. Getting rained on the next day while loading the trailer probably didn't help either, but my motivation to 'get outta Dodge' was pretty strong, such was the state of the relationship with my 'friend'. Since I have bad lungs, I've wound up with pneumonia. This is the last thing I needed to have happen, particularly in light of my overseas flight tomorrow. Obviously, what was originally planned as a week of riding in France will probably wind up being nothing more than a week in France. Nothing to shake a stick at, as I've never been, but I'll have to deal with the inevitable departure of everyone for the days' ride while I sit around and eat a baguette avec frommage, or something.

I can't decide at this point what's worse about this situation...the illness or the issue with the friend. I've had about two weeks to think about what happened, and although I've tried to put myself in his shoes I really can't see that there was any justification for the treatment I received. I've given some serious thought to laying it all out in an email, but I don't think I'm the one that needs to be reaching out here. In the past I've done the best I can to support this guy through some of the stuff you have to deal with in life, and at this point I'm feeling like it was all in vain. If I went into the details of what happened, I'm sure the reaction would be "well that's silly", and truth be told it is really silly, and the unfortunate result is that this guy has done some significant damage to what was probably the most solid friendship he had (not that I'm tooting my own horn, or anything). I can't imagine that this is what he wanted to have happen, and since he's generally very stubborn he's probably sitting around wondering when I'm going to get 'round to apologizing to him. Honestly, I feel no motivation or need to do that. Although I'm bummed that the friendship seems to have dissolved in the span of about 10 minutes, that sort of toxicity is not something that I have to deal with.

If there's a lesson here, it must be that I need to make sure I appreciate the people that I do consider my good friends, and to make sure that I never put them in a situation that resembles this one.

So, to all of my friends out there, you are all great and I'm genuinely blessed to know you. I can't wait until the next time we get to hang out.


Fergie said...

Damn, I had been looking forward to an update, but I'm sorry it has to be such a harsh one.

I've had long friendships crash and burn from single incidents, sometimes from single statments. It sucks, but in the long run, it is better to know these things sooner, rather then later. Sometimes the friendships return to normal in most respects, with some areas "off-limits". I have also found that facing adversity, and dealing with it, makes for the strongest bonds - note: adversity, not trainwrecks.

I know from years of no health care that most things can be beat with lots of Vit C, and real rest. Throw in some natural immune system boosting remedies (echinecca and goldenseal) Finally, you will probably have to get over the mental stuff to beat the physical stuff.

Enjoy Fronce! Sleep, ride, and sleep some more.

PS Sorry about the spelling.

blue label said...

You are so right about is always sad losing one, whether that friend is alive or maybe has passed on..I have found that many family members have turned into my best friends, including my sister and my pop, and my cousin. My Uncle Bob was a great uncle and a great friend, too. We lost him a few years ago.

I found a new friend this weekend. I am so very fortunate to have found her! She has a great smile and a mind that has more going on in it that ten minds put together. She is interesting and fun to listen to at the same time. I only got to spend a few hours with her, but I am so happy that I had that time with her!!

Friends do come and go, but memories of those people linger much longer. I hope my path crosses this new friend's journeys again sometime; until then, I will cherish and relive the memories she gave me!