The US CBP-Confuse, Befuddle, and Perplex

CBP is supposed to stand for Customs and Border Protection, but after today I have decided that the title of this post is more fitting.

I've just come back from another trip north of the border. Now, we have this customs broker in Canada that the company works with. They are great. They know their stuff, they give us detailed, step by step directions for every aspect of our border crossing, back and forth. They answer their phones at all hours of the day and night, even on weekends. In typical Canadian fashion, they are overwhelmingly nice. They've never steered us wrong.

Equally as adept at their job is the Canadian border agency. I drive up to the commercial truck window, stretch my arm out of it's socket in order to hand over paperwork to the guard who is at 18-wheeler height, answer a couple of questions, drive around and go inside for a stamp on some paper, and leave. Easy peasy.

On the opposite end of the scale of international bureaucratic efficiency, is the US CBP. I now believe that the CBP is like the Internal Revenue Service. A recent complication with the IRS made me realize that the right ass cheek doesn't know what the left ass cheek is doing. In the end though, it's still an ass. This now applies to the CBP, as well.

I've done border crossings for work at least once for the past 4 summers. With the help of the brokers, I've never had a major hassle. The longest it's ever taken me to cross has been maybe an hour, on a busy day. Today, I pulled up to the booth that was too high for my car, actually had a friendly border guard (an extreme rarity), and presented my paperwork as usual. He told me he had to double check something. I explained what my previous experience has been: they put a little stamp on this one document that proves to Canada that I have returned to the US with my cache of bikes, et al, still in the trailer. This guard told me that no, they keep that document and hand me over something else.

During no other crossing, has this been the case.

He then refers me inside to talk to one of the agents there. She then tells me that I need some blahdeeblah form blah blah 4455 blah, and a blahblahblah manifest, and a US broker to import me (!?). She wanted to know when the last time I crossed was. I said May. She looked at me with utter shock.

"This form is still good, but you also need these others. Didn't they tell you this then?", she asked.

"No. And they didn't tell me when I crossed HERE two days ago, either."

"You crossed HERE!?", she exclaimed.

"Yes, and they never told me this. Nor has any one else at any border crossing between here and Vancouver in the last 4 years."

"Well, they should have. This has been a policy since last summer.", she told me.

So, she then proceeded to tell me that they were going to admit me back into the US this time, but that she made a notation in 'My File' indicating that they issued a one time exception since no one informed me of this, but in the future if I try to cross without the blahblahblah, and the blah blah, and a brokblahblah, that I would not be permitted to come back into the US, and I would be sent back to Canada.

After hearing that, it occurred to me that this wouldn't be so bad. I digress...

These are the people who are responsible for making sure that our Freedom(TM) is protected at our international borders; to defend our country from all of those Canadians who are sneaking across and taking all the luxurious jobs like toilet cleaning, and hospital bio-hazard disposerer. I feel quite sure at this point that it wouldn't be very difficult to smuggle just about anything into the States given how completely oblivious to THEIR OWN policies the CBP are, and the fact that at nearly every crossing I've been told a different story, or given a different stamp on the paperwork, or had to open the trailer before going IN to Canada, or yelled at, or...The list goes on.

I'm nervous every time I move back and forth. Not because I'm guilty of anything, but because I never know what sort of idiot I'm going to have to deal with.