Saturday, March 01, 2008

Human Petri Dish

Made the journey from Columbus to South Jersey today. I got a call from my mom last night letting me know that she and my father both had been fighting the flu. This is a different strain, apparently, and it feels more like a cold or a sinus issue with a fever. I came here in order to drop off my trailer rather than try and negotiate it back into the drive way that's had an additional 2 feet of snow since I left last week. Despite my plan to try and avoid as many things that are probably smothered with viral bacteria, I've probably inoculated myself 80 times in the hour I've been here.

My chosen method of preemptively combating this has been via Airborne and Berocca dissolving tabs, and Banana Bread Beer (which I have found at a liquor store near my parents' house). After all, alcohol kills germs. I've been sort of smearing it around my mucous membranes. It stings a bit when I get it in my eyes.

On the drive today, I went through Barnesville and passed Sheepford Road. No actual Barnes or sheep sightings, although I did see some goats.

Today's example of 'Why I Hate People":

Dear idiots who drive British and European cars around with the fog lights on in perfectly clear weather,

Just because you think it makes your car look even more cool when you drive around with those extra two lights on in front, doesn't mean that you should. They are called 'fog lights', see, which sort of implies that you use them IN FOG. Perhaps you think that the little icon on your lights with the beam pointed down has some sort of symbolism, as in people bow to you because you opted for the accessory illumination package. What it actually means is that it shines the light down low to the ground. Now, if there's not any fog around, which is often the case here in the States, you have absolutely zero reason to be blinding the people behind you. How are you doing that, you ask? Well, it's because people that design your non-domestic vehicle actually understand the concept of using the lights when conditions make it necessary to do so, otherwise known as 'poor visibility'. As such, the car manufacturers also include at least one exceptionally bright red, rear light so that cars coming up behind you don't suddenly make you a hood ornament. Now, what happens when you, Mr./Mrs./Miss resident of the State of New Jersey, choose to run your fog lights on your Jaguar when there is not a cloud in the sky and you can see all the stars in God's creation? You are searing the retinas of people in the vehicles behind you since your car has two lights that are the equivalent brightness of your LED brake lights, that's what. Furthermore, you are causing a general traffic nuisance further back since the aforementioned lights do look like you are riding your brakes, thus causing other numpties to think there is some sort of slow down ahead. Panic and chaos ensues until someone else who knows equipment features on British and European cars sees you ahead, recognizes the idiotic danger of your stupidity, and resumes normal speed, indicating to other drivers that all is well, there's just a shithead driving that car that thinks fog lights are cool to use, and who obviously doesn't know that it also effects the rear lights.

This is yet another reason that I need to follow through with one of my invention ideas: the car message board. This would be either a lit scroll bar or a whiteboard on which you can write messages to other drivers. In this example, it would be something like 'Hey dumbass, read your owners' manual about what happens in the back when you turn on your fog lights.'

Of course, this means that I'd have to change the message to what it would say 99.9% of the time when I drive: 'Learn the concept of the passing lane.'

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The UK lot has started their 30 in 30 month. That's 30 rides in 30 days. I really wish I could participate in this, but I was driving today, and I don't yet have a trainer to use up north. Maybe I'll do my own 30 in 30 and just start it when I can. Hmm...

1 comment:

simondbarnes said...

You can already get message boards like the one you describe :)